veronica_mars

I’ll never forget the night that Weevil and--or--his band of minions blew out the back window of Logan’s X-Terra, spraying us with glass, scaring me half to death, and utterly wrecking the mood.

The night, prior to the gun-blast, had been perfect. It was our first actual date, and if it was taking place a few months into our already established relationship, it wasn’t exactly our fault. Between the murder accusations and the baggage we were both hefting, it was pretty much a wonder that we made it to a first date at all--and if it also happened to be our last date, well, maybe that’s just fate.

He was dropping me off when it happened--or, rather, we were procrastinating. We were making out in his car when it happened, and his hands were all over me, and the night had already been so amazing that if we hadn’t been in front of my house, or if we hadn’t been in his car, I remember thinking that it would have been the moment that I lost my conscious virginity to Logan Echolls.

And then of course, I remember reality setting in. Where I was, who my father was. Exactly how long it would take my father to figure out what Logan and I were up to and how much longer it would take him to rush outside to defend my honor--and then ground me for life.

I could have seen any of that happening--not that I particularly wanted my first time to be in a cramped X-Terra within full view of the neighborhood, but that? Really not the point. What I didn’t expect was Logan--when he told me he was in love with me.

I never expected things to go that far, from the Camelot to the beach to Logan’s hearing to the car that night, I never realized that things were going to become so intense. And I panicked, I think. I made a comment about guys and second base and I kissed him and then we were covered with splinters of glass.

And that is what I regret - I regret not telling Logan that I loved him, too. I was--I am--just so afraid of what’s going to happen to him. Lilly was spontaneous and impetuous and stupid, and now Logan’s carrying a gun, but at least Lilly knew that I loved her.

Logan knows I care, but on the surface we’re still enemies, and I hate that. I hate that more than anything, and I don’t know how to change that without hurting Duncan again. I’m tired of hurting people.