endowment and transferrence
May. 6th, 2005 05:44 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
veronica_marsHe talks in his sleep and I'm not surprised. He says my name and pulls me closer and I shouldn't feel so comfortable, but I've already called my Dad and he's annoyed that I woke him up, but glad that I'm being the responsible daughter. If he only knew, I don't know whether he'd be happy that Logan and I are friends again or appalled at what kind of friends we seem to be.
I wonder if we'll still be friends when Logan wakes up and finds me here. He asked me to stay, but it was my idea to come over, and even if it wasn't, I was the sober one. Mine was the decent judgment.
I sigh and glance at the alarm clock over Logan's shoulder. It's two in the afternoon and I'm still drowning in exhaustion and his breathing is still steady like he isn't going to wake up any time soon. I'm content to watch him sleep and I wonder what's going on behind his eyelids, wonder who he's dreaming about and if it's me. Or if it's a dream of a ghost who will probably be haunting us until the end of our days.
Or until I find the truth.
I miss Lilly so much and it feels like I'm losing her, but not because she's ready to leave me; I'm forcing her out to make room for Logan, because when I kiss him I feel that Lilly-shaped hole inside of me fill up. I don't feel empty, or numb, and God I love that.
He makes me laugh, and that's new. He makes me happy instead of happier than the alternative, and that's new, and sweet, and warm, and real. And I don't know how he feels and I don't care as long as he doesn't wake up and look into my eyes and look disappointed, like he feels me and looks for Lilly.
I can see the light streaming over his face through the cracks in his curtains and he looks so full of peace that I can smile and move closer to him and close my eyes and kiss him softly and wait for him to wake up. With me.
I wonder if we'll still be friends when Logan wakes up and finds me here. He asked me to stay, but it was my idea to come over, and even if it wasn't, I was the sober one. Mine was the decent judgment.
I sigh and glance at the alarm clock over Logan's shoulder. It's two in the afternoon and I'm still drowning in exhaustion and his breathing is still steady like he isn't going to wake up any time soon. I'm content to watch him sleep and I wonder what's going on behind his eyelids, wonder who he's dreaming about and if it's me. Or if it's a dream of a ghost who will probably be haunting us until the end of our days.
Or until I find the truth.
I miss Lilly so much and it feels like I'm losing her, but not because she's ready to leave me; I'm forcing her out to make room for Logan, because when I kiss him I feel that Lilly-shaped hole inside of me fill up. I don't feel empty, or numb, and God I love that.
He makes me laugh, and that's new. He makes me happy instead of happier than the alternative, and that's new, and sweet, and warm, and real. And I don't know how he feels and I don't care as long as he doesn't wake up and look into my eyes and look disappointed, like he feels me and looks for Lilly.
I can see the light streaming over his face through the cracks in his curtains and he looks so full of peace that I can smile and move closer to him and close my eyes and kiss him softly and wait for him to wake up. With me.
