Dec. 20th, 2005

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I don’t want to answer this question. At all. I don’t like the connotations associated with it, and I’d happily defer--for the second week in a row, mind you--my answer over to Logan. Unfortunately, however (and I believe this is a first), Logan is playing the playing the silent card. Frankly, I’m surprised he can hold the expletives down.

And for once I can empathize.

Karma was all well and good when I was young and idealistic, when my best friend hadn’t been murdered senselessly, when the rest of my friends hadn’t turned their collective backs on me, and when my mom hadn’t decided to turn into a boozehound, jump on the bandwagon, and bail on me and my dad.

When all the pieces of my life still fit together neatly, then yes, I was a believer. What better explanation was there? If I was the perfect daughter to my parents, the perfect best friend to Lilly, the perfect student, the perfect girlfriend to Duncan, then why, logically, would it not follow that life would, in fact, be perfect?

It’s karma after all. Good begets good. What goes around comes around.

I can’t believe that anymore. I can’t credit the cosmos with Lilly’s demise when I know what happened between her and Aaron Echolls. I saw the videos. “Fun With Lilly.” Now there was an understatement.

The problem with karma lies with the fact that it’s not individual to each person. I might’ve been a good girl, but acting nice isn’t what earns you a charmed life. Lilly would be pleased to know I’ve finally absorbed this life lesson.

I just wish I could’ve gotten that some other way--some way that didn’t involve happening upon my best friend’s corpse, but we all have our problems.

I can just hear you now. “Don’t you know any stories that don’t involve ‘and then I happened upon my best friend’s corpse, Veronica?’” The answer to that is yes, but we’ll get to that some other time. You know, when we’re not busy discussing karma.

I don’t know why I’m still talking about karma. After everything that’s happened over the past couple of years, I think I’m about due for things to start turning around. See, if karma existed, my normal plan would be right on track.

But it doesn’t, it’s not, and I’m back where I was last year--sort of--in the middle of a mystery, trying to figure out who wants me dead. And why. Karma? No thanks. I have a tough enough time dealing with reality here in Neptune.


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